Thanksgiving Past
I apologize if this shows up twice. It said it was posted, but I never saw it so I've done it again.Growing up we always met at my paternal grandmother’s home. After we got married we would trade off at my parents home and then his parents home each year. Eleven years after we were married we moved three hours away and still were expected to do all the traveling back and forth. We managed to do this until my husband took a church 13 hours away.
On Nov.17, 1995 my father-in-law died and we came home for his funeral and to stay over for Thanksgiving, which was seven days later.
My parents lived one hour from his and my father expected us for Thanksgiving dinner at noon. Mine you now, he and my whole family knew that my husband’s father had just died and was buried. We were grieving, especially my husband. Also, my birthday fell on Thanksgiving Day that year. My parents had always had birthday dinners for the other family members. Since nothing had been said about my birthday and with it being on a holiday, plus the fact that it had been a very long time since we had all been together; I
had begun to think and hope that they were planning a surprise birthday for me. I had only had two birthday cakes in my life up till then (38 years old).
Imagine my hurt and anger when as we walked through the back door at about 12:25 we see that everyone has either finished eating or are almost done. I asked my father, “You knew we were on our way, could you not wait a few minutes for us?” His reply was, “When I say noon, I mean noon.” We allowed the children to eat because we had a long drive before us. We didn’t though, neither did we speak to anyone either. When the children had finished we packed up and left for our long drive back to Ohio. No mention was made of the funeral, my birthday, etc. I cried for hours because of the hurt they inflicted on us. How can people be so unfeeling?
If life has taught me anything, it has taught me that I can hope for and to expect the best to a point, but also that the chances of it happening are next to zero.
We are all scattered now so hubby and I still celebrate the holidays, we just do it alone and quietly.
I wish for all of you a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with your family and friends.
Sandra from SC
posted by Lightning57~ Sandra from SC @ 3:37 PM
5 Comments:
Sandra, I'm sure you've come to terms for the pain of that Thanksgiving/Birthday. Just reading about it brought tears to my eyes and an ache to my heart. It's so sad that your father most likely never comprehended the hurts which you, your husband and your family felt that day. I'm so sorry it happened.
Sending hugz, Mary in Oregon
Hi, Sandra. I hope that you have a very happy birthday today - st least if I counted correctly today's the day. I know you have had some hurdles to get over in the past few years. Blessings and prayers. Marie in Maryland
Sandra:
Isn't it strange that the people we love the most can hurt us so? They were so insensitive that they probably didn't even realize that they hurt you! I just fiished reading about "flylady" and the "perfect" holiday--which doesn't exist.
Make your own memories! That's what we do.
We had several "church family" people over Sunday evening, the widow, the newly divorced woman, the mentally challenged man, adult singles, etc.
On Thurs AM we will be driving to the beach for 4 days and chillin'--eating at our favorite fish place.
Sara in Fla.
Oh Sandra, when I see stories like yours I am so thankful that I was born to the family that was mine. My DB and I spent a lot of time last year when he come here to drive me around for my three months in a wheel chair reflecting on our mutual thankfulness for that advantage. I was in my teens before I found out how sadly oncommon the peace in our home was.
My in-laws on the other hand were not the same. FIL was a sweetheart married to the wrong woman. No one was ever grateful enough for anything she might have done "for them". Of course, the problem was that she didn't do anything for others but rather for the payback in groveling and undying gratitude she thought was her due. My kids had that figured out before they were in middle school. She died friendless and unloved by her own grandchildren. In retrospect I view her behavior with some measuure of pity. If she never experienced being loved early in her life she never knew how to give love. Let's all remember that in our dealings with our children and grands.
I hope, however, that you've been able to move on and shape your life to suit yourself. Especially at holiday time it's worth the effort to make your own customs.
Jane
Thanks everyone. Today I am 52. My husband made me a cake, gave me a box of Whitman's chocolates and a card.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home